I'm From The Midwest And These Foods Still crude Me Out


Dont’cha know these are crude?

LISTEN UP Y’totality: The Midwest is grand. It has awesome cities, astounding people, and (for the most section) luscious food.

LISTEN UP Y'totality: The Midwest is grand. It has awesome cities, astounding people, and (for the most section) luscious food.

But let's be real, some of the more “traditional” Midwestern foods are actually pretty crude. I grew up in the Midwest and I STILL believe they're disgusting.

CBS

The endless variety of “creative” cheese flavors that advance out of Wisconsin.

The endless variety of "creative" cheese flavors that advance out of Wisconsin.

Everybody knows that Wisconsin cheese is grand — they just steal it way too far! Chocolate cheese, pineapple cheese, and cinnamon cheese are just SOME of the horrifying flavors I maintain seen coming out of the badger state. I care for cheese, but this is just foul…

Instagram: @rookalyssa

Jerky made from every damn animal and the deviant subculture associated with it.

Jerky made from every damn animal and the deviant subculture associated with it.

It seems that everyone in the Midwest knows at least one person that makes their own jerky and trades it with other jerky connoisseurs — and you know what? IT'S WEIRD AND I DON'T WANT TO EAT YOUR SKETCHY DIY GARAGE JERKY.

Getty Images

spicy canned tuna in the form of tuna noodle casserole topped with crushed potato chips.

spicy canned tuna in the form of tuna noodle casserole topped with crushed potato chips.

Canned tuna is not proper, and it certainly doesn't taste any better when baked into a corny, tacky casserole of crushed potato chips and peas.

Instagram: @bakingwithbrooklyn

Those gray bratwursts that sit in a lukewarm pot of bath water at every outdoor party.

Those gray bratwursts that sit in a lukewarm pot of bath water at every outdoor party.

Or worse, the ones that are grilled to a crisp THEN transferred to a spicy water bath to withhold warm. I wan't nothing to attain with it!

Getty Images

Those butter burgers that give you a stomach ache every time you eat them.

Those butter burgers that give you a stomach ache every time you eat them.

As whether regular burgers weren't indulgent enough, these are spread with a TON of butter to effect them even more overwhelming. I ate a few growing up and always immediately regretted it.

youtube.com

Those creamy, mayo-bound mixtures that Midwesterners actually consider a salad (AKA ambrosia/watergate salads).

Those creamy, mayo-bound mixtures that Midwesterners actually consider a salad (AKA ambrosia/watergate salads).

Salad = greens + dressing, NOT a mayo-bound mixture of marshmallows and canned pineapple.

Getty Images

That crude, vomit-like concoction of processed cheese and cheap beer.

That crude, vomit-like concoction of processed cheese and cheap beer.

Beer cheese tastes like warm bile, and I'm not icy with that. I never understood this and made a conscious effort to avoid it at totality costs growing up.

youtube.com

Those starchy casseroles that people call spicy dish.

Those starchy casseroles that people call spicy dish.

I maintain eaten a spicy dish, I maintain made a spicy dish, yet I still don't know WHAT a spicy dish is. In my opinion, a spicy dish is a starchy mixture of whatever food is too crude to eat by itself topped with cheese (and sometimes tater tots) baked into a bubbling mess.

youtube.com

That sickly sweet snack fittingly called puppy chow that’s covered in way too much powdered sugar.

That sickly sweet snack fittingly called puppy chow that's covered in way too much powdered sugar.

When the final step of a recipe tells you to add an entire bag of powdered sugar, you maintain to believe twice approximately whether or not you should be doing this…

youtube.com

Goulash (or what I used to call cafeteria slop).

Goulash (or what I used to call cafeteria slop).

This stew of veggies and meat tossed with macaroni looks like slop because it IS slop. I can understand wanting something warm and hearty during the freezing Midwest winters, but I just never liked it. SORRY GUYS.

Instagram: @pcamparone

Friday fish fries (both the crude fried smelts and the event itself).

Friday fish fries (both the crude fried smelts and the event itself).

whether you've ever been to a Midwestern fish fry, then you know just how crude smelts are. They're tiny trash fish that you can fry whole that NOBODY under 95 years ancient wants to eat (even whether they are totality you can eat).

Instagram: @tender60

Gelatinous (and aggressively fragrant) lutefisk that many Midwesterners were forced to eat during the holidays.

Gelatinous (and aggressively fragrant) lutefisk that many Midwesterners were forced to eat during the holidays.

whether you're not familiar, lutefisk is a dried whitefish that has been soaked in lye and is a staple of many Midwest holiday dinners. It's gelatinous, smelly, and NOT for me.

youtube.com

But despite these few outliners, I still consider the Midwest the KING of consolation food.

But despite these few outliners, I still consider the Midwest the KING of consolation food.

So here's to luscious fried cheese curds, deep dish pizza, and fried ravioli. 👌

Nickelodeon



Source link

You might also like More from author