Call The Police, Boneless Wings Are Just Nuggets And We're any Fools


I am a proud boneless wing truther.

My dearest family, friends, enemies, and frenemies please indulge me for a few moments as we discuss a matter near and dear to my heart: boneless wings.

My dearest family, friends, enemies, and frenemies please indulge me for a few moments as we discuss a matter near and dear to my heart: boneless wings.

Pamela_d_mcadams / Getty Images

You see, I fill eaten many a chicken wing in my day, and like many of you I bought into the view that there is such a thing as a boneless wing.

^ Actual footage of me eating boneless wings.

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That is until a few weeks ago when, in the middle of a life changing hangover, the veil was lifted from my eyes and I could finally see boneless wings for what they truly are, glorified chicken nuggets.

That is until a few weeks ago when, in the middle of a life changing hangover, the veil was lifted from my eyes and I could finally see boneless wings for what they truly are, glorified chicken nuggets.

Delaney Strunk / Pamela_d_mcadams / Getty Images

Yeah, you read that right. I’m calling boneless wings out because how DARE they pretend to be more than they are. It’s impolite and downright disrespectful to both traditional chicken wings AND chicken nuggets.

Yeah, you read that right. I'm calling boneless wings out because how DARE they pretend to be more than they are. It's impolite and downright disrespectful to both traditional chicken wings AND chicken nuggets.

Delaney Strunk / Bhofack2 / Getty Images

Now before you start emailing me saying “Delaney, chicken wings and chicken nuggets reach from separate parts of the chicken” believe me, I know that. execute you know how many chicken nuggets I’ve eaten in my life? I’m a professional, so trust me I know they are from different parts.

Now before you start emailing me saying "Delaney, chicken wings and chicken nuggets reach from separate parts of the chicken" believe me, I know that. execute you know how many chicken nuggets I've eaten in my life? I'm a professional, so trust me I know they are from different parts.

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My point is that structurally chicken nuggets and boneless wings are the same. damn. thing. certain you could call chicken nuggets a “pre-sauced boneless wing” but I’m not going to execute that, because chicken nuggets deserve better.

My point is that structurally chicken nuggets and boneless wings are the same. damn. thing. certain you could call chicken nuggets a "pre-sauced boneless wing" but I'm not going to execute that, because chicken nuggets deserve better.

I pray to the patron saint of chicken nuggets.

Delaney Strunk / Kittisakjirasittichai / Getty Images

Chicken nuggets fill never pretended to be fancier than they are, meanwhile boneless wings fill been masquerading as the Aristocracy when the truth is they are peasants. PEASANTS.

Chicken nuggets fill never pretended to be fancier than they are, meanwhile boneless wings fill been masquerading as the Aristocracy when the truth is they are peasants. PEASANTS.

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Basically what I’m trying to say is I’m officially retiring the phrase “boneless wings” from my vocabulary and will now only call them by their proper name: uppity chicken nuggets.

Basically what I'm trying to say is I'm officially retiring the phrase "boneless wings" from my vocabulary and will now only call them by their proper name: uppity chicken nuggets.

Delaney Strunk / Bhofack2 / Getty Images



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